Songs in the Key of Geek

by Debs & Errol

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1.
So many ways to say “I Love You” In different languages across the land. You haven’t heard them all so I’ll tell you As only a true geek can. “Ich Liebe Dich” is German geeky for their boardgames In Latin (and Spanish) it is “Te amo” “mi olin e sina” is the phrase in Toki Pona, “Mi amas vin” in Esperanto “Linnon am meleth vin” In Sindarin means “I sing because I love you” “AG EE OO P” is what you type. For Alliance and the Horde to talk to. To stick with Elvish we have “Tye mela’ne” Yet another language that Tolkien made. “Usstan ssinssrigg ilta” spoken in Drowish A DnD type of elf you played. “I Love You, I would date with you”, by Tatewaki Kuno Not a different language, but it’s good enough “hato daisuki” is japanese but geeky cuz Otaku really love their weird stuff. “Eep Op Ork Ah Ah”‘ From saturday morning cartoons “Ie ovele ouye” too, From way back when I was in grade 2. “Wani ra yana ro aisha” in Vulcan In Klingon it’s “qaparHa” which sorta sounds like a threat “I-jol au” is Romulan but not exactly canon In case we make the fanboys upset. “Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum” is Mandalorian In another galaxy, long gone by If you speak in Huttese you say “Uma ji muna” On Dagobah it’s, “Love you, do I” ’10 Print “I love you” 20 Goto 10′ My first program, as a child ‘I->love(you)’ I bet your hormones are going wild. “U CAN HAZ LUV, K THX BAI!” I display LOLCat finery. “I Less Than Three U” and…. 0110100101101100011011110111011001100101011110010110111101110101 I love you in binary! Spoken: Lowercase. Without Spaces.
2.
VERSE 1: I want her to walk, and to talk and to eat To sleep and to live and to die (but not now) To be made out of cells Made of carbon themselves To breathe in and breathw out with a sigh I want her to have eyes, to have fingers and toes A head and some hair that she combs When pricked she should bleed When sick she should sneeze And she should have two X chromosomes CHORUS: That’s what I want in a girl One who’ll walk and who’ll jump and who’ll twirl She can sit, she can stand Should have feet and have hands Cuz that’s what I want in a girl VERSE 2: I’m not asking much For her to smell, taste and touch To be responsive to all stimuli Produce carbon dioxide Has blood on the inside Have a mouth, nose and lungs and two eyes She should leave her house to buy basic necessities Shop for stuff at a local drug store Maybe search for some sales In that aisle for females What are all those girl products for? CHORUS: That’s what I want in a girl One who’s living, that’s all I prefer And bathes to some degree Uses toilets consistently Oh that’s what I want in a girl I really, really, really, really, really want a girl Named Keren or Milton or Merle Don’t care what she’ll be, just as long she likes me And that’s what I want Oh that’s what you want Yes, that’s what I want in a girl
3.
VERSE 1: They measure 22.5 meters tall Attacked Echo base causing it to fall Having heavy durasteel armament Demoralizing, they’re the rebel’s lament AT-ATs in the snow… (In the snow) VERSE 2: They’re super awesome, they have lasers and blasters (pew, pew, pew, pew) Making rebellion squashing so much faster Everyone you can suppress Unless they hide in a dense forest AT-ATs in the snow… (in the snow) CHORUS: When your foes see an AT-AT they lose hope Impervious to laser fire, their defenses cannot cope But really all they need...is some rope VERSE 3: You would think if you saw these things you’d attack their back But they did a frontal assault and they got whacked And so the Rebels fled for space As Imperial walkers wrecked their base AT-ATs in the snow… (In the snow) VERSE 4: They’re not too fast, only sixty klicks per hour Compact fusion drive system, they take a lot of power They have a high center of gravity And a weak spot in their underbelly AT-ATs in the snow… In the snow (pew pew pew) In the snow (pew pew pew) In the snow (pew pew pew) In the snow
4.
VERSE 1: I don’t live in a neighbourhood with any plants I don’t live near any foliage Greenery was bulldozed over For sprawling suburban zonage It’s not that I wrap my arms round campfir trees To most plants I’m allergic But if I travel to the forest I want to meet one tree spirit I wish Totoro was my neighbour VERSE 2: He’s big and he’s furry and he rides tops That spin as he sails through the wind He plays music on a seashell And has an engulfing grin CHORUS: I wish Totoro was my neighbour I wish Totoro was my neighbour (and we can grow plants) I wish Totoro was my neighbour (by the light of the moon) I wish Totoro was my neighbour (plant giant oak trees) And I’d like to ride the cat bus too VERSE 3: My house isn’t old and rickety It was built in 2005 And although it can get quite dusty I haven’t seen one soot sprite Every time I play hide and seek I look into all the burroughs But mostly what I find are weasels And not sleepy Totoros CHORUS: I wish Totoro was my neighbour I wish Totoro was my neighbour (and we can grow plants) I wish Totoro was my neighbour (by the light of the moon) I wish Totoro was my neighbour (plant giant oak trees) And I kinda think that the cat bus is cool BRIDGE: And if I ever saw him At a bus stop in the rain I would give him my umbrella And we could fly around downtown
5.
03:09
“SOUTH” “EAST” “OPEN WINDOW” “ENTER HOUSE” “WEST” “GET THE LAMP” “MOVE THE RUG” “OPEN THE TRAP DOOR” “LIGHT LAMP”,”D”,”S”,”E”, “GET THE PAINTING”, “N”, “U”, “U”, “GET KNIFE AND ROPE”, “D”, “W”, “OPEN CASE”, “PUT PAINTING IN CASE”, “DROP KNIFE”, “GET SWORD”, “OPEN TRAP DOOR”, “D”, “N”, “KILL TROLL WITH SWORD”, “DROP SWORD”, “E”, “E”, “SE”, “E”, “TIE ROPE TO RAILING”, “CLIMB DOWN ROPE”, “S”, “E”, “GET COFFIN”, “W”, “S”, “PRAY”, “DOUSE LAMP”, “S”, “N”, “E”, “D” TO THE CANYON BOTTOM, “N”, “DROP COFFIN”, “OPEN COFFIN”, “GET SCEPTRE”, “WAVE SCEPTRE”, “LOOK”, “GET GOLD AND COFFIN”, “SW”, “U” TO CANYON VIEW, “NW”, “W”, “ENTER HOUSE AND OPEN BAG” “GET GARLIC”, “W”, “PUT COFFIN, SCEPTRE, AND GOLD IN CASE” “OPEN THE TRAP DOOR”, “AND LIGHT THE LAMP”, (this maze is twisty) “D”, “N”, “E”, “N”, “NE”, “E”, “N”, “GET THE MATCHES”, “N”, “GET WRENCH AND SCREWDRIVER”, “PUSH YELLOW BUTTON”, “S”, “S”, “TURN THE BOLT WITH WRENCH”, “S”, “D”, “W”, “SE”, “E”, “CLIMB DOWN ROPE”, “GET TORCH”, “DOUSE LAMP”, AND “S”, (this maze is twisty) “GET THE BELL, BOOK, CANDLES”, “ENTER HOLE”, “D”, “RING THE BELL”, “LIGHT MATCH”, “LIGHT THE CANDLES WITH THE MATCH”, “READ BOOK”, “DROP BOOK”, “S”, “GET SKULL”, “N”, “U”, “N”, “PUT OUT CANDLES”, “RUB MIRROR”, “N”, “W”, “N”, “W”, “N”, “E”, “PUT THE TORCH IN BASKET”, “LIGHT THE LAMP”, “N”, “D”, “E”, “NE”, “SE”, “SW”, “D”, “D” TO THE LADDER BOTTOM. “S”, “GET COAL”, “N”, “U” TO LADDER TOP, “U”, “N”, “E”, “S”, “N”, “U”, “S”, “PUT THE COAL AND SCREWDRIVER IN BASKET”, “LOWER BASKET”, “N”, “D”, “E”, “NE”, “SE”, “SW”, “D”, “D”, “W”, “DROP ALL”, “ENTER CRACK”, “GET COAL, TORCH, AND SCREWDRIVER”, “S”, “OPEN LID”, “PUT COAL INTO MACHINE”, “CLOSE LID”, “TURN SWITCH WITH SCREWDRIVER”, “OPEN LID”, “GET DIAMOND”, “DROP SCREWDRIVER”, “N”, “PUT THE TORCH AND DIAMOND IN THE BASKET”, “E”, “E” “GET SKULL, LAMP, AND GARLIC”, “E”, “N” TO THE LADDER BOTTOM, THROUGH THE COAL MINE TO THE GAS ROOM, “GET BRACELET”, “U”, “S”, “RAISE BASKET”, “GET THE TORCH AND DIAMOND”, “TURN OFF LAMP”, “W”, “GET JADE”, “S”, “E”, “S”, AND “ENTER SLIDE”, “U”, “PUT DIAMOND, JADE, BRACELET, AND TORCH IN CASE”, “DROP GARLIC”, “TURN ON LAMP”, “N”, “E”, “N”, “NE”, “N”, “GET TRUNK”, (it is pitch black) “N”, “GET AIR PUMP”, “N”, “GET TRIDENT”, “S” TO RESERVOIR SOUTH, “E”, “E”, “INFLATE BOAT WITH PUMP”, “GET IN BOAT”, “SAY LAUNCH” “WAIT” wait wait “GET BUOY”, “E” TO THE BEACH”, “EXIT BOAT”, “GET THE SHOVEL”, “NE” “DIG WITH SHOVEL” Dig dig dig (you are likely) “DROP SHOVEL”, “GET THE SCARAB”, “SW”, “DROP BUOY”, “OPEN BUOY”, “GET EMERALD”, “S” TO THE FALLS, “CROSS RAINBOW”, “TURN OFF LAMP”, (to be eaten) “SW” TO CANYON BOTTOM, “U” TO CANYON VIEW”, GO BACK TO THE WHITE HOUSE GO TO THE LIVING ROOM. “PUT CHEST, EMERALD, THE SCARAB, AND THE TRIDENT IN CASE”, “E”, “E”, “N”, “N”, (by a grue) “CLIMB THE TREE”, “GET EGG”, “CLIMB DOWN”, “S”, “E”, BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM, “LIGHT LAMP”, “D”, “N” “W”, “S”, “U”, “TAKE COINS AND KEY”, “SW”, “E”, “S”, “SE” TO THE CYCLOPS ROOM. “ODYSSEUS” “U”, “GIVE EGG TO THIEF”, “D”, “E”, “PUT COINS IN CASE”, “GET KNIFE”, “W”, “U”, “KILL THE THIEF WITH KNIFE” “KILL THE THIEF WITH KNIFE” “GET ALL”, “D”, “NW”, “S”, “W”, “U”, “D”, “NE”, “UNLOCK GRATE”, “OPEN GRATE”, “U”, “S”, “CLIMB TREE”, “WIND UP CANARY”, “CLIMB DOWN”, “GET BAUBLE”, GO BACK TO LIVING ROOM, “REMOVE CANARY FROM EGG”, “PUT EGG, CANARY, BAUBLE, STILETTO IN CASE”, “D”, “N”, “E” UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LOUD ROOM, “ECHO”, “GET BAR”, “W” TO THE TROLL ROOM, “S”, “U”, “PUT ALL EXCEPT THE LAMP INTO THE CASE”
6.
VERSE 1: When I see you across the room And I catch your eye You give me a cryptic wink You turn away so shy Ignite that passion Flame it anew And so I search most earnestly For a board game for two CHORUS: I want to spend the night Gaming with you We’ll read our cards by candlelight Gaming with you VERSE 2: Your turn takes some time again And the candles burn down low You seem to have won again Is it me or is it cold Set it up one more time This is what I call romance Lady Luck smiles down on you Wait is that a jealous glance CHORUS: Moving pieces side by side Gaming with you You can beat me you just have to try Gaming with you That’s it I am done with this Gaming with you What? You’re going? We're not finished Gaming with you Come on won’t you play again Gaming with you If you want I can let you win Gaming with you Gaming with you Please game with me
7.
03:20
VERSE 1: I thought I’d found a kindred spirit in you Into all 33 odd things I was into Formed a duo, bought the T-Shirts, I shared my water with you It was a dream for me, but sometimes dreams fall through Bastille Day and we were chatting on google like we always do Said something about the final 5, Errol, you were so confused. I said where are you? “I’m at the start of season 2″. CHORUS: What do you mean? How could you not have finished BSG? I said “Frakk, frakk frakking frakking frakk!” You said “What’s that, what’s that?” I just can’t believe that you didn’t finish BSG? I said “Why, why, why?” You said “I just got busy.” VERSE 2: As Act of Contrition, watch them all now or You Can’t go Home Again It’s a Litmus Test and if you don’t pass then it’s “Six Degrees of Separation” You could Tigh me up, Tigh me down, you could burn me Flesh and Bone I will bring down the Hand of God, ‘cause the gauntlet has been thrown CHORUS: How can it be? How could you not have finished BSG? I said “Frakk, frakk frakking frakking frakk!” You said “What’s that, what’s that?” I just can’t believe that you didn’t finish BSG? I said “why, why, why!” You said “I just got busy” BRIDGE: Now it's Colonial Day, oh does that sound familiar? Last gleam of Kobol, oh, you’ve seen that one, You must remember! How can you bear the thought of not knowing what happens after… I’ll tell who who the Cylons are but you’d insist no spoilers CHORUS: Just come clean! Just go ahead and finish BSG Frakk, frakk frakking frakking frakk!” You said “What’s that, what’s that?” How could you not have finish BSG? I said “Why, why, why!” You said you just got busy You just got busy You just got busy
8.
VERSE 1: I have tried so many times to make a song for you But I can never seem to find a tune unique and new So I sit and think and really rack my brain But all the songs I write just blur and start to sound the same CHORUS: I would love to write a song that has that Sense of joy you give to me But all that ever seems to come out Are simple tunes from the mid-80s I want to sing for you VERSE 2: You are worth a 1000 beautiful sung melodies I wish I could fulfill But I lack such talent to compose songs so I fall back on our friend Pachelbel You stir my mind and heart, a joy I can’t conceal But songs I pen can never tell you how I truly feel CHORUS: I want to sing out loud And dance so all can see my love within I wish I could write you a song So that all the world, would want to join in I would tell you if I could express My full feelings when I see you But all I have is this simple song With trite lyrics and a couple of oohs You know it’s just for you INTERLUDE CHORUS: I will shout and gush out loud To everyone about your perfection Every chance that I should ever get Will be public displays of wanton affection I will tell you ad nauseum There is nothing else that I will pursue The only thing people will remember: I’m that guy who really loves you I really love you In case you never knew I really love you Really love you
9.
02:11
VERSE 1: Monodon monoceros, a marine mammal That lives year-round in the arctic Watching it swim and play makes me sentimental I find it quite cathartic It has one horn and lives in the sea Known commonly as a Narwhal Would make a better pet then a kitty cat 'Cause it doesn’t cough up hairballs CHORUS: (It’s a cross between a unicorn and a whale) It’s better than a puppy 'cause a puppy is so slobbery It’s better than a llama 'cause the llama would just spit at me It’s better than a pigeon 'cause I know they always target me It’s better than a cat who treats me with its snobby ennui It’s the most amazing thing swimming in the arctic seas If you wonder why I have this Narwhal idiosyncrasy (It’s a) cross between a unicorn and a whale VERSE 2: It likes to eat squid and fish and maybe rocks But orca it detests I hope its horn is used to fight off pirate ships And repel Viking conquests You’ll find them near Northern Canada A cooler whale there is no other And soon there will be one in my house Just have to convince my mother CHORUS: (It’s a cross between a unicorn and a whale) It’s better than garden worm 'cause they’re kinda squishy (and) It’s better than bathroom mold 'cause that’s kind of icky It’s better than a duck, 'cause mom would put it in a fricassee Better than a rat even if that made my sister scream Riding on a narwhal and traversing all the seven seas Is the coolest thing I’ll ever do, no hyperbole (It’s a) cross between a unicorn and a whale
10.
VERSE 1: Hey Sally Yes Darryl? I was wonderin’…well, you see… If you’d do me the honour of going out with me There’s this movie that I’m really into With ponies and dinos and beer They make shakes out of maggots It killed Keanu’s career (that’s why I like it!) And then we can go steady and superglue our hands and stay for ever and always and ever like a whaler and her man PRE-CHORUS: Your odor pokes intrusively I don’t dare act delusively I can only spew out the truth I say this with impunity I’d rather puke exclusively than spend exclusive time with you CHORUS: Let’s go for a stroll and vomit exclusively “The call of the walrus!” Pick a bush and vomit unyieldingly “Wow! You’re good at that!” Guess what I had for dinner last night “An egg and turkey sandwich” That’s right VERSE 2: Oh, Sally? Yes, Darryl? Your pavement pizza is divine Would you do me ..the honour… Oh, Sally, please be mine We could move into a house Ummm… Impregnate you right away And then spin around in circles And stick on appliques And then we could get married and cement ourselves at the hip For always and ever and always, that’s what I call courtship PRE-CHORUS: I’d like to speak diffusively About this opportunity That you have so persuasively raised I detest your jejunity I’d rather chuck effusively than come and share your personal space (CHORUS) “Pickled beans and salad?” “Pickled beans and salad?” “Pickled beans and salad?” That’s right!
11.
It was Graduation Day at the Wizardry School, The students stood, waiting a-shiver For the Beastmaster and the familiars he’d brought, None knew just what he might deliver: To an earnest young lass at the head of the class He provided a young pseudodragon; To another, a bat; one proud boy a black cat, Then a white wolf with his tail a-waggin’ He cried: “Ho, hee, now listen to me, A familiar’s much more than a friend – Fur, feather, or scale, To the tip of your tale, They’re the ones you stick with to the end.“ As he moved to the midst of the Wizardry list The familiars were more variegated: Griffin, serpent and roc, raven (“nevermore”), weasel or hawk, Child and creature were interrelated, He cried, “La, lee, now listen to me, You’ll be closer than husband and wife – From the legs of your frog To the hair of your dog, You’ve a match for the rest of your life.“ Near the end of the line he was heard to opine, “I’d not known the class size had inflated,” He turned for these mages to the furthermost cages Where the strangest bestiary awaited: A young boy with red hair he led to an Owlbear, To another he handed an Illithid, Delver, Flail Snail and Grick, Monkey Bee and Mimic, Giant Beaver and a small Shocking Lizard, He cried, “Woe is me, now you cubs let me be! ‘Tis these beasts you’ll be bound to for aye, You may find as you grow, Best the tentacle you know, Now you’re joined ’til the day that you die.“ On that Graduation Day at the Wizardry School, Then they gathered the class in a round, Each one clutching, or clutched by, a familiar their own, And the chimes for the combat did sound: (EPIC BATTLE SEQUENCE) At the end rose a rube on a Gelatinous Cube, Splashed with crimson and green and vermillion, And as he rode away to the last light of day They all said, “His was the Most Familiar.”
12.
VERSE 1: I cannot keep the house clean Undergarments on the floor My once annoying habits Now you can’t ignore I’m up all night playing games In bed I steal the sheets I burp so proudly when outside I cannot be discrete CHORUS: Cuz he’s a geek guy (Hon, where’d all my DVD’s go?) Cuz he’s a geek guy (Wait I’m almost at the save point!) Cuz he’s a geek guy (Trust me, you’ll LOVE Spamalot!) Cuz I’m a… I’m a… VERSE 2: My specialty is toast But I can never find the butter Dishes by the console Where’s my stuff amongst the clutter? Always on the Internet Downloading anime Don’t like the sun, it makes me sweat Can’t stand the light of day CHORUS: Cuz he’s a geek guy (But we went outside last week!) Cuz he’s a geek guy (Look, you can join me in co-op mode!) Cuz he’s a geek guy (Waddaya mean it’s boring? It’s awesome!) Cuz I’m a… I’m a… VERSE 3: Gotta come to my gaming group Trust me, it’ll be swell Just don’t you leave like last time Complaining ’bout the smell Like to collect, read, watch and play That is my confession There ain’t a single hobby That isn’t an obsession CHORUS: Cuz he’s a geek guy (No, I didn’t pay a lot for this…) Cuz he’s a geek guy (They aren’t toys! They’re collector items!) Cuz he’s a geek guy (You’re the only girl that talks to me…) Cuz I’m a game-playin’, quote-saying, couch-staying, zombie-slayin’ Geek guy (“Do or do not. There is no try.”)
13.
Whoa, that’s a full rainbow all the way Double rainbow, oh my God, double rainbow It’s a double rainbow all the way down A double rainbow all the way down, oh my God What does it mean? It’s so bright, so vivid Double rainbow, double rainbow, it’s so intense What does this mean? It’s starting to look like a triple rainbow That’s a whole rainbow CHORUS: Double rainbow all the way across the sky Yeah, Yeeeeaaaaah, so intense Double rainbow all the way across the sky Wow, wow, oh my God, look at that rainbow I love to play a lot of - Games are great you’ll find me up all - Nightmare before Christmas fun to - Watchmen is a brilliant graphic - Novel writing in a month is - Mad magazine with Alfred E. Neu - Mandarin I’d like to under - Stand by me with Wil Wheaton and - River is that girl from Fire - Fly me to the moon and we can - Living on a prayer set on re - Peter Sellers starred as Jacque Clou Social networks and Web 2 point - Oregon Trail you’d die of dissen - Treebeard helped to take down Isen - Guardian swarms look awesome in SC2 (Do you see that rainbow?) Our attic has eight bins of LE - Go mighty orbots they’re joining - Together Forever and Never Ending Story had Atrey - YouTube helped me research the - Linerider was an addicting web - Toy Story with Woody and Buzz - Aldrin punched some guy in the Facebook has me blocking every - Apple and PC wars very stu - Pity the fool who messed with T - Rex is so cool and so are rap - Torrents fill up my hard drive - Space 2001and Blue Da - Noobs to pick on when they type all - Capture me a rainbow CHORUS: Double rainbow all the way across the sky Yeah, Yeeeeaaaaah, so intense Double rainbow all the way across the sky Wow, wow, oh my God, look at that rainbow Double rainbow all the way across the sky (It's full on) Yeah, Yeeeeaaaaah, so intense (It's full on) Double rainbow all the way across the sky Wow, wow, oh my God, look at that rainbow
14.
VERSE 1: He was wild, solitary they would whisper his name Nocturnal shadows, he would wait at the top of his game Poor souls in his sights never saw the light of day He’s Timmy, yeah… CHORUS: Very brutal but too casual, Near invisible, the deadliest marsupial He’s Timmy… VERSE 2: A fearless mercenary, a ruthless gun for hire Small dark and hairy, this mammal never tires As a target, you should be wary… CHORUS: Very brutal but too casual, near invisible, the deadliest marsupial He’s Timmy, yeah… He’s Timmy, yeah… He’s Timmy the combat wombat.

about

In 2011, Monkeyman Productions put on a show called The Simian Showcase. They needed some musical acts and asked Errol Elumir and Deborah Linden separately. Debs didn’t have songs that were geeky. Errol didn’t have stage presence that had charisma. So they joined forces and put on a whirlwind show which was, to their surprise, well received.

They were asked for a CD, but having only been formed that night, they lacked one. Seeing the absence of any recorded material a huge hindrance in becoming a band, they set out to record their own. They fan funded their endeavour and were met with overwhelming support.

They contacted Erik Didriksen and asked him to mix the music. He spent many hours working with Debs. Errol feels sorry for him.

Once the songs were complete, they pulled in Aaron Tsang to do additional mixing and mastering.

Finally, they turned to Joseph, who worked for a CD Replication company. The CDs were printed and much rejoicing was to be had!

And now it’s done. After countless hours, over 200 comics, and at least one bandmate ready to retire, the Debs & Errol Album, “Songs in the Key of Geek”, is complete.

credits

released April 13, 2012

Debs is Deborah Linden
Errol is Errol Elumir
Erik Didriksen - Mixing
Aaron Tsang - Mixing and Mastering

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Debs & Errol Toronto, Ontario

A geeky, comedy, music duo with a daily webcomic!

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