VERSE 1:
Monodon monoceros, a marine mammal
That lives year-round in the arctic
Watching it swim and play makes me sentimental
I find it quite cathartic
It has one horn and lives in the sea
Known commonly as a Narwhal
Would make a better pet then a kitty cat
'Cause it doesn’t cough up hairballs

CHORUS:
(It’s a cross between a unicorn and a whale)
It’s better than a puppy 'cause a puppy is so slobbery
It’s better than a llama 'cause the llama would just spit at me
It’s better than a pigeon 'cause I know they always target me
It’s better than a cat who treats me with its snobby ennui
It’s the most amazing thing swimming in the arctic seas
If you wonder why I have this Narwhal idiosyncrasy
(It’s a) cross between a unicorn and a whale

VERSE 2:
It likes to eat squid and fish and maybe rocks
But orca it detests
I hope its horn is used to fight off pirate ships
And repel Viking conquests
You’ll find them near Northern Canada
A cooler whale there is no other
And soon there will be one in my house
Just have to convince my mother

CHORUS:
(It’s a cross between a unicorn and a whale)
It’s better than garden worm 'cause they’re kinda squishy (and)
It’s better than bathroom mold 'cause that’s kind of icky
It’s better than a duck, 'cause mom would put it in a fricassee
Better than a rat even if that made my sister scream
Riding on a narwhal and traversing all the seven seas
Is the coolest thing I’ll ever do, no hyperbole
(It’s a) cross between a unicorn and a whale