VERSE 1:
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
I would break into your house
(I would break through your windows)
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
I'd wreck all the furniture in your house
(That you fruitlessly piled up against the door)
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
You could run but you wouldn't get far
(A nice and tasty two-legged meal)
If I were an undead crawler
I'd bite your leg...

CHORUS:
If I were an undead crawler
I'd hide in the dark waiting in your yard
If I were an undead crawler
I'd make you scream, wouldn't be that hard
If I were an undead crawler
Maybe I could make some gurgling noises...

VERSE 2:
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
We would make a nasty mess
(Make a nasty mess of your FACE!)
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
I would gnaw on all your pets
(Especially the cat, because it deserves it)
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were an undead crawler)
I would savour your remains
(Maybe suck on an intestine)
If I were an undead crawler
I'd chew your arm...

CHORUS:
If I were an undead crawler
You wouldn't guess what we'd have in store
If I were an undead crawler
There'd be lots of blood and guts and gore
If I were an undead crawler
You know I don't actually like that, the whole blood thing...

VERSE 3:
If I were an undead crawler
(If I were...I don't want to be an undead crawler)
I would feast on the flesh of the living
(I don't even like my steak rare)
If I were an undead crawler
(But I don't want to be an undead crawler)
I would tear out your tongue
(You know, I had tongue once. It was gross. It was spongy too...)
Would you rather be the victim?
(Maybe I'd survive the apocalypse)
They would target you because you are chunky
(What?! No, I don't think I'm chunky!)
When I am an undead crawler
You'd rip my / I'd rip your flesh...
(You know, that just makes me all uncomfortable)

CHORUS:
If I were an undead crawler
(Fine, I'd be an undead crawler)
If I were an undead crawler
(You'd still be the first one to die)
If I were an undead crawler
I'd eat brains